Sharpening the Blade

After we watched the segment this morning on our recent robbery, Karl said, "Ok, now where's the one where you call me useless?"

He is referring to the last time we were on the news, two years ago. So I looked up the video for him.

I didn't realize at the time that I was calling Karl useless. I was trying to (not very eloquently) explain what Karl can explain much more eloquently than I. Karl likens his military training and service to a blade being sharpened.

I didn't know anything about blades or sharpening blades before Karl explained these things to me. I assumed, as probably most people with the same knowledge of blades, that you sharpen a blade when it is dull. It then, I suppose, is sharper and better suited to the task at hand.

However, you can, apparently, over-sharpen a sword.

If a blade is ground too thin, it can break. If a blade is sharpened to too fine a point, the edge can roll, making the sword useless.

I am only using the word "useless" to rile Karl. For the past two years, he has teased me about calling him useless on the news. I'm sure he is going to continue to tease me about it for as long as we both shall live. He knows that I meant he, and many others like him, no longer fit easily into our society and he agrees with this assessment. He does not agree that he is useless. Neither do I.

I do agree that he has been sharpened to a point that has weakened his structural integrity.

Being robbed is no good for someone with PTSD. It further sharpens his blade. Every time the dog barks, he has to investigate. Every time he sees something out of the corner of his eye, he stops what he is doing to check it out. His hyper-vigilance has ramped up, even though he and the Sheriff's department both agree this was a crime of opportunity and probably wouldn't have occurred if we were home.

I have been trying to convince Karl that the world is safe. He disagrees. He has seen too much hate. I believe people are generally good. I believe people are doing the best they can. I cannot fathom why someone would take Karl's things but I know there are more people in the world who wouldn't take his things than people who would. I have been trying to convince Karl for over six years that we live in a safe place and he can calm down. I have been telling him he could relax because we don't need him to guard against invisible threats.

I am wondering now if he thinks I lied.

Not only did Karl lose his most sentimental possessions, but now he feels guilty for not being hyper-vigilant enough. So he will sharpen his blade to make himself battle ready and give up a little more of himself for it.