they laugh in the face of danger

"I reached for my gun but my flesh slid right off."

I shivered as the young man in front of me continued his story. He was injured 10 years ago, the same time my husband was on his first deployment to Iraq.

His story is his and he tells it with humor and grace, laughing as he recounts flopping around like a seal while in recovery because he couldn't get his hands under him to lift himself up. I say "young man," but I am guessing he is my age. He isn't old, but the majority of his life is post-injury, with scarring on his face and arms.

Another man yesterday told of the time an RPG hit his Humvee. He kept reaching for the door with his right hand, then finally moved his left hand to where his right arm should have been. It wasn't there any more.

I am in awe of these men. While I never joined the military, it isn't their service that humbles me. It is watching them laugh. The man with the scarred face makes jokes about a meth lab explosion. The man who lost an arm cracked up an audience recounting the look on someone's face as they realize they've lost a golf game to a one armed man. Yesterday a man in a wheelchair and I laughed about how he's smarter than me because he brings his own chair everywhere.

After tragedies, Americans so often get caught up in heroic actions and the indomitable human spirit. These are the things I see when I look at these men, more than their scars. Their scars do not define them, but they are part of them. What defines them is the grace with which they lead their lives.

I am humbled and honored at living my life serving one of these men. Every time Karl says, "oh brain," in response to a mental lapse, I know we are okay. As long as we can laugh, we are okay.

I feel uncomfortable with the word hero and I know many soldiers do too, but heroes are the ones who run into danger. Heroes are the ones who conspire together during lock down drills to go find the invisible shooter. This is my husband. These are his people: the ones who have been trained to save the rest of us; the ones who laugh in the face of disfigurement and degeneration.