MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

My favorite holiday is my birthday. It always has been. A few years ago for my birthday, I woke up early to go the gym. When I got home, my husband had planted three rose bushes for me. They had been hidden for days on the side of our house. I was completely surprised. It is the only time Karl has ever gotten me a good present for my birthday.

Typically what happens when my birthday comes around is that Karl has done nothing. I complain or tell Karl exactly what to get me. Karl goes and gets exactly what I said. He has said the reason he does nothing for my birthday is because he is scared of doing the wrong thing. There may be some validity to this. When Karl waits until the last minute and then buys exactly what I told him to, I am disappointed that he didn't put any thought into a gift. I am even more disappointed if he waits until the last minute, I tell him exactly what I want and then he gets a variation of what I wanted instead of exactly what I wanted. I feel like not only was he not willing to put any thought into getting me a gift but then when I told him exactly what to get me, he ignored it.

So, Karl sucks at gift-giving. If you're at all familiar with The 5 Love Languages, you could guess that maybe one of my love languages is gifts. If you're unfamiliar with The 5 Love Languages, it is a book, website, quiz, built around the idea that there are five ways people express their love: gifts, service, words, touch and quality time. My primary "love language" is "words of affirmation" and the one that means the least to me is "physical touch." Karl is the opposite. We're quite a pair. Over the years we have found ways to make things easier on each other.

"I love you, don't touch me!" is one of my catchphrases and I've taught Karl to say "blah blah," if what he really needs is touch. Sometimes when I've done something impressive and Karl comes to hug me to express his admiration, I will stop him and say "speak in my language!" Words are especially difficult for Karl because of his cognitive problems, but he will try because he knows that I need to be told that he likes me and thinks I'm pretty. Luckily for both of us, I have no problem saying "tell me you like me! tell me I'm pretty!"

In fact, every year on my birthday, I tell my Facebook friends to please tell me something they like about me instead of posting 50 "happy birthday" messages. I want words and I want meaningful words. I cannot give up my need for words. I can, and did, give up my need for thoughtful gifts. I decided that for my birthday I would do something for myself. Last year when I turned 30 I went to Vegas with six of my closest friends. I had an amazing time. I fell out of an elevator. I wore false lashes. I took a bath in the biggest tub I've ever been in in my life. I made my friends play Girl Talk. Actually, when I turned 29 I had a sleepover and we played Girl Talk, the original 1980s version complete with zit stickers. This year for my birthday I am going to Texas to spend a weekend with a close friend and her kids. (Maybe I should bring Girl Talk?)

I'm taking my kids to Texas with me. My eldest's birthday is exactly a week after mine and their present is the trip to Texas. My daughter's ticket was bought by my mom instead of her coming to visit us this fall. So my husband gets a weekend home alone. I'm actually a little jealous of him. I love time home alone.

My friend's husband asked why I wasn't bringing my husband. Karl and I spend almost all of our time together. Actually, he just started attending college again. He has been out of school for nine months, which means we're spent 99% of our time together for the past nine months. The other reason I'm not bringing Karl is because Karl doesn't care about going. I bought myself a plane ticket for my birthday and now Karl doesn't need to do anything except tell me Happy Birthday. I'll buy my own tiara (yes, I'm serious) and take myself out to a birthday dinner and get my own cake or cake substitute.

I will have a much better birthday than I would if I was waiting for Karl to get me a meaningful, thoughtful gift. Karl and I will have a much better relationship. I know what I can spend because I do all our banking. He doesn't care what I spend (because I do all our banking!) and he is off the hook. I get to be as above-the-top ridiculous as I want to be because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Next year I'm hoping to go to Alaska for my birthday. Maybe I'll even take Karl with me.