grasping at straws

I recently saw a gif of a girl who lost 88 pounds in a year. I am not really into body shaming or diets, so I'm not sure how I ended up reading an article about her, but it mentioned she had gone on a ketogenic diet. I had never heard of that, so I googled. I found a lot of conflicting information about the effects of high fat diets on the body and a lot of conclusive studies about the effects of high fat diets on the brain.* Ketogenic diets are prescribed by some doctors for children with epilepsy, some percentage of whom are later able to go off their anti-convulsants.

After I saw the phrase "neuro-protective," I started typing in the search terms "ketogenic diet TBI." If there is one thing I look for, as someone who loves someone with TBI, it is the phrase neuro-protective. I have exhaustively searched "marijuana neuro-protective," as we live in a state where medical marijuana is legal. I have repeatedly searched for "neuro-protective vitamins," before putting my husband on a vitamin regimen. Nothing piques my interest more than the phrase "neuro-protective" because I am witnessing my husband's brain fail and I would do anything to slow the process. Needless to say, my husband and I are now on a ketogenic diet. If I want my husband to stick to a diet that could help his brain, I must follow it too. I can't just assign him a diet because he can't even always rely on himself to follow a gluten-free diet, which he must be on because he has celiac disease.

As I read studies about TBI and ketogenic diets, I wondered why no one had mentioned ketogenic diets to me. I wonder why no one ever mentioned studies about the neuro-protective properties of marijuana to me. I wonder why no one has ever mentioned brain boosting vitamins to me. I wonder why I am the only one trying to save my husband's brain. I am the one who asks questions about the use of Alzheimer's medications in TBI patients. I am the one who asks for MRIs and referrals. I am the only one fighting for my husband. That is not to say I don't have allies. There are other women who have been fighting this battle since before I was born and women who have been fighting as long as I have. There are men fighting this battle for their women.

When we had my husband's intake appointment at the VA here, to establish patient care, his new primary care physician looked shocked when Karl mentioned he has TBI. Then our appointment was over. Hopefully the nurse we spoke with got a referral in for more neuro-psych testing, which she mentioned. Apparently the VA here does not communicate enough with the VA in Texas to use his testing from there. I am not opposed to him having another round of neuro-psych testing. In fact, it might be helpful to have some new benchmarks. If no one from the VA arranges an appointment for him, I will be going back in with him, to ask for referrals. Next week my husband will see a psychologist - a therapist with the VA who is a woman with no military experience - and hopefully get set up with a psychiatrist.

I don't expect any of these people to help. I don't actually expect anything to help. Every few weeks, Karl and I have another tearful conversation about him getting worse. Sometimes I feel like I am standing helplessly by, watching a freight train heading towards the end of the line. I am the only one trying to place tracks in front of it. I have no idea how to lay tracks. I don't know if I'm using the right pieces. I have no idea if the train is going to derail regardless of what I do, but I have to try to stop it.







*http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3321471/ for further reading