thank you

Our house in Texas is under contract and we have no reason to think it won't sell, as planned, in just under three weeks.

As we plan our move back to Washington state, I cannot help comparing where we are now with where we were when we left Washington last.

In November 2008, we moved to Texas, which was home... where we both grew up.

I am glad we moved back to Texas, even though we have decided it is not where we want to live any longer. I think I needed everything here to help me on this journey to where we are now. Maybe someday I will make a map. I can very clearly recall all of our pit stops, detours, and missed exits. When I hear another woman say "he is such a child," about her husband, I see the art on my therapist's walls and feel the tears on my cheeks.

"I can't actually treat him like a child. What am I supposed to do?"

My therapist, being both a good therapist and a source of frustration, gave me no answers. I had to find my own, like every caregiver. The answer for me then was that sometimes I should treat my husband like a child, which is not the same thing as treating him like an idiot. I treat my children with respect and patience (for a reasonable amount of time, then I treat them to some yelling), which are good ways to interact with anyone regardless of age or brain agility.

As we make our final arrangements, shutting off utilities, forwarding our mail, planning our route, I remember with black humor that when we moved back to Texas I didn't yet know I needed support groups. I didn't yet know my husband had a brain injury. Being home allowed me to find support systems and resources. Texas provided a safe place for me to learn what my life was going to be like and how I could handle it. Now I am stronger and I am capable of building more networks in Washington. I could not have stayed there without coming home to face the depth of what brain injury means for us and to recover from that.

I could not have learned about Karl's injuries and how to move on without the Vet Center in Austin, which provides a monthly support group for the families of disabled veterans. In practice, that group has always been several Vietnam Veterans' wives and me. Because their children are grown, they were able to offer invaluable insight into what would, and would not, impact my children as they grew up. They were my first support group, showing me that veterans are family.

I also had a great support group at Heroes Night Out in Cedar Park through Hearts of Valor. They provided a lot of comic relief and gave me a chance to pass on some of my own insights. I had a therapist at Hope for Heroes, through the Samaritan Center in Austin. She gave me the space I needed to complain about how unfair it all was and to cry. As we plan our move, I am reaching out to other veterans' wives who live where we will be living, because I know what I need to be successful.