Prayers II

I think of coming weary and broken to a God who heals.
But I don't know that God.
I think of the friends who have tried to lead me to their God,
but even though I can see their God,
it is not my God.
(Not that I believe in multiple Gods, just that I recognize that God is not mine -
I think of Laban telling Jacob that Jacob's God had appeared to him,
but Laban had many Gods,
and they are not my Gods either.)
I think of trying to bargain with God,
when I wanted a doll,
and I begged that if God gave me the doll,
I would believe.
I recognize this type of faith now,
when I see bargaining,
someone who wants their mother spared,
someone who wants their child whole,
someone begging a God they don't know for proof that God cares.
But what brings me closer to whatever God is,
is listening to you pray for me.
When I hear each of you pray,
I think about words,
I think about how words don't matter,
because when you are praying,
you are opening your heart,
to me, for me, with me.
When you pray,
I believe in your God.
What has most affirmed my call to ministry,
has not been ministry,
it has been that each of my colleagues
is so beautifully human,
laughs at my jokes,
opens themselves to me,
and makes me feel like I belong among them.
Then I hear you pray,
or I read the prayer you send,
and I know you are meant to be in ministry.
And if I am your peer,
that must also be where I am meant to be.