Sometimes I feel
my job is not as a mom or a wife
but as an administrative assistant in a very small office.
When the kids are home,
it is obvious I am a mom
by the amount of yelling I do
and cooking
and occasionally even cleaning.
When my husband is home
and the kids are in bed
and he brings me a glass of wine
and I pick what show we're going to watch on tv -
or rather -
what show I'm going to watch on tv because he hasn't done the dishes again -
it is obvious I am a wife.
But when everyone is
gone,
at school,
learning things,
pursuing things,
doing things that don't involve me except peripherally,
I am a secretary.
I don't file my nails because the sound makes me crazy.
But I text and check email and read and sometimes watch tv,
and while away the day waiting for my life to start back up again.
When I am a secretary or an administrative assistant
(administrative assistant sounds so much more professional),
I wait for the phone to ring
while I deal with mounds of paperwork.
I authorize purchases.
I file.
I organize.
I check the mail.
I deal with the crises of being
a mom
and a wife
and a caregiver
from far away
with the guise of not doing anything.
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