teaching honor

I don't write here about my kids very much, except as they relate to my husband. I don't even write about myself much here except as I relate to my husband. In wanting to share my husband's story and educate people about the struggles veterans face, I forget that we are all part of his story.

It is hard to raise kids with someone who has a brain injury. It is hard for kids to understand brain injury.

"Daddy," our four year old said months ago, "you're not very smart because you drove over a bomb."

Since then, whenever my husband does something completely ridiculous, I say to him in my most earnest voice, "you're not very smart because you ran over a bomb" and we laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Our seven year old tells me things like "I'm glad Daddy doesn't remember things because he forgets that we're supposed to go to bed and we get to play."

They are also sad that he can't remember things sometimes, but they get that there is a silver lining.

Another silver lining is that neither of us has to work to support our families. We have steady paychecks based on him living impaired. I wonder, often, how to raise children who want to work or expect to work when neither of us works. My eldest wants to be an acrobat though, so maybe I have nothing to worry about.

In spite of all the ways my husband sets a bad example, his life is a good example. He is an Eagle Scout. He was a soldier. He is a moral, upstanding, honorable individual, which I think shines through more than his impulsiveness and short fuse, especially if my children can understand that those traits are a by-product of an injury.

Our children are very ethical. They may not listen well. In fact, my husband's grandmother told me my children don't mind, but she likes them. My daughter, especially, at four and as the baby of the family, is incredibly impulsive. Their rooms are often messy. They don't go to bed easily. However, they pick up litter. They help people in need. They pay for things they break. Today my eldest forgot their lunch so they borrowed money from the principal to buy lunch. When they got home, I saw that it was $3.20.

"Do you think you should pay some of this since you're the one who forgot your lunch?" I asked, thinking maybe they would pay half.

"I have 5 dollars," they said, "so I can use 3 dollars."

I think sometimes people feel sorry for us. My children either didn't know or won't remember their Daddy before he was injured. Sometimes he forgets them at school. He yells at them with little provocation. There are a lot of drawbacks to having a Daddy who cannot remember anything, and there are benefits to having a disabled veteran as a Daddy. There are also benefits to having their Daddy as a Daddy. He is living a life of honor. Not just his military service or his boy scout days, but every day. If there is an opportunity to better the world or someone else's day, he takes it. Our children see that and they live it.