It has been almost 3 years since I wrote on this blog. In the meantime, Karl has had a complete mental breakdown due to serotonin syndrome, caused by Prozac. He went off prozac and his brain recovered to its normal level. We went to marriage counseling and argued a lot and recovered to our normal level of functioning. His back has not been doing well. He had an appointment today for it, actually. I opted not to go because I have a terrible cold, or the plague, depending on which symptoms I google.
My brain is foggy today. I asked my eldest the same question three times this morning, realizing the third time that I had already asked twice. It's frustrating and it makes me feel like Karl, who often asks us all the same question multiple times or tells the same story. The difference is that I'll recover.
Anyway, I'm back. I keep asking myself, "now what?" Now that I'm no longer in school, now what?
I've had so many volunteer positions, from Meals on Wheels to delivering books for the Puyallup library to volunteering for my kids' schools. I'm sure I'll start volunteering somewhere soon, but I haven't signed up for it yet. I have children to spend time with. I have Karl's doctors' appointments to attend. And yet, now what? What will I do that is distinctly Marie now? That isn't service? I wrote a memoir several years ago, so perhaps it is time to revisit that, maybe re-edit it, maybe add that past 5 years to it. Maybe it is time to brunch. Maybe it is time to watch every episode of Hell's Kitchen on hulu. I don't know.
I think it is time to write again, here at least, because whatever is next will include Karl and his brain and the struggles I have with having faith that everything I'm doing is the best I can do, and is somehow, good enough.
